Over the last four months that I’ve worked as a freelancer, I’ve learned quite a bit. Some cold hard realities have sunk in.
I grossly underestimated how many contacts I would need for steady referral work and how much time put in I would need for steady referral work. I didn’t think it would be easy, but I still grossly underestimated it.
I grossly underestimated the abilities that I would need to be a good freelance web developer. I’ve been good at some things and not so good at others. I know everyone is that way. However, I haven’t been able to really provide the value that I seek to provide whenever I do a job. I shoot for excellence and have high standards for myself. I’ve been able to do a good job most of the time.
Thankfully, I also grossly underestimated my ability to sell myself. I’m much better at it than I ever thought I could be. And it’s not snake oil either. It’s just me putting myself out there as a package of what I can offer with a sincere desire to deliver value.
The only thing I overestimated is my ability to do this thing at this point in my life. Over the last 1.5 years, I’ve been living a hero’s journey. Coming back from divorce and rebuilding myself. Going through a personal transformation. Battling demons, pushing through pain, and coming out the strongest, best version of myself I’ve ever been.
Doing this thing that I’m doing, starting your own business and going freelance, is unbelievably hard on its own. Doing it without a lot of money or resources like I’m doing makes things exponentially harder.
When I started this journey, I was craving going after my dreams full bore. I was craving continuing to live my hero’s journey. I was craving continuing to inspire people by my story and living my life completely on my own terms, being able to do whatever I wanted.
Ya know what I’m craving now?
I crave normalcy. I crave being able to rebuild my bank account and maybe start saving for a condo. I crave being able to rebuild my personal life, including my social life and love life. I crave being able to still do this WordPress for nonprofits thing because it makes me happy and gives me purpose.
I crave being able to train for races, from 5k’s to full marathons, and enjoy my time in the local and online running community.
Living a hero’s journey is uplifting, inspiring, empowering, and completely and utterly exhausting. Getting some normalcy back into my life will help me enjoy the fruits of my labor while still allowing me to build myself back up and continue to grow and develop as a person.
I’m still gonna be who I am, and I’m sure I’ll still document my journey. It’s me, and it’s fun. I’m still gonna keep doing my thing. I just really need to get my feet back under me, which I’m doing, one step at a time.
I always said that I’d be frank and shoot straight during this journey of mine. Well, four months after I took the leap, this is how it is. Not a cautionary tale for anyone. Not meant to dispense any advice or guidance. Just where I’m at on my journey. Take it for what it is and do with it what you’d like.